Freedom Modi & the Apocalypse That Already Happened
Dispatch #18: Nothing Left but Bouncy Castles, Bureaucracy, and Bollywood Bannonism
When Mark Carney told Canadians at the English debate that China was the biggest threat facing the country, he wasn’t necessarily wrong — but he sounded like a guy reading a ransom note written by his campaign donors.
If China really is Public Enemy No. 1, Carney sure spent a lot of time talking about Trump — like a guy prepping for the wrong apocalypse.
The threat is apparently so big, we have to drown Gen Z in debt and inflation — just so a few boomers can sleep at night wrapped in their “Liberals saved democracy” comfort blankets.
The Carney-China connection is obvious — assuming you’ve got Wi-Fi and at least one hemisphere of your brain firing.
But what about India and the Tories? Apparently, Poilievre had a break-out moment in the English debate when he roasted Carney over security clearance — and the crowd went mild.
I missed it. Whole thing looked like a nothingburger cooked rare and served with extra performative outrage. Even Carney’s own fans called it a swing and a miss.
So what’s the India-Poilievre connection we’re supposed to clutch our pearls over?
A foreign government may have kinda-sorta-maybe helped… oh my god. That’s it. That’s the whole enchilada.
Freedom Modi™
What if the Freedom Convoy wasn’t a white populist uprising… but a full-blown Bollywood psyop cooked up by Indian intelligence?
It wasn’t the truckers. It was the tuk-tuks!
What if the airhorns were sleeper-cell Morse code — honk by honk, activating WhatsApp warriors nationwide?
What if the bouncy castles were Bollywood-coded morale weapons, deployed to collapse Ottawa’s emotional infrastructure and bait Trudeau into invoking the Emergencies Act—accelerating the collapse of national trust like a vibes-based coup?
Canadians thought they were honking for freedom.
Turns out they were honking for Modi.
The Freedom Convoy is where Poilievre became a household name.
But he didn’t lead the honking — he inherited the horn.
The line was drawn: between the mandate-peddling, debt-blasting managerial priesthood… and a “grassroots” mob of confused white dudes radicalized by Facebook and subtle diplomatic vibes.
Canada’s populist revolt? Just Bollywood Bannonism with better costumes.
Poilievre won’t take security clearance. Says the Liberals want to “put him in a dark room” and feed him breadcrumbs.
But maybe he’s scared they’ll feed him the truth.
Maybe he already knows who built the convoy. Maybe the breadcrumbs were always his.
Maybe he’s not refusing on principle — maybe it’s plausible deniability.
Because once you know… you have to act.
The real threat to Canadian sovereignty is, yes, Chinese Communists — but also a semi-truck wrapped in a maple leaf, steered by a WhatsApp group in New Delhi.
Clearance means neutering.
And maybe the only reason Poilievre won’t take it… is because he knows.
Indian intelligence was behind Canada’s Freedom Convoy.
Wait — what?
The Real Reason Poilievre Won’t Get Clearance
Yeah, I’m just screwin’ with ya.
Tom Mulcair — the last functional NDPer — already explained it: Poilievre’s security clearance drama was a Trudeau trap. Nothingburger with a side of bad optics. And Poilievre’s debate answer pretty much shut the door.
The NDP should’ve stuck with Mulcair. Guy has brains.
He was a moderate NDPer who could’ve scooped up every centrist sick of Poilievre’s snarl and Trudeau’s smirk.
But now Carney’s running the whole liberal technocrat circus, and the NDP’s staring down the barrel of electoral euthanasia.
So it goes. When a Hamilton union endorses the goddamn Marxist-Leninist Party over your corporate “woke” progressive branding? That’s not a red commie flag — that’s the whole damn hammer and sickle.
Wait… “woke”? What the hell does woke even mean anymore?
And why did the Conservatives drop it from the English platform but keep it alive and well en français?
They called it a “publishing oversight.”
But I know politics when I see it.
Woke Means Whatever You Need It to Meme
This week, Poilievre’s crew quietly reinserted a pledge to “crack down on woke ideology” — a phrase that mysteriously vanished from the English platform but still strutted around in the French one like it had diplomatic immunity.
It was a ghost fart in a government boardroom: undetectable in English, pungent in French.
The party blamed a “publishing oversight.”
Right. And when I delete my browsing history, it’s just streamlining my personal data retention policy.
The phrase itself — crack down on woke ideology in the federal civil service and in the allocation of federal funds for university research — reads like a Fox News Mad Libs generator stuck on caps lock.
And yet here it is, translated, re-inserted, and quietly slid back in like a bad tweet after Elon buys the platform.
And the best part? Nobody knows what “woke” means anymore. It’s the duct tape of political language — sticky, overused, and slapped onto every policy leak until the system looks like a Red Green sketch.
“Stay woke” started as Black American slang — a warning to watch out for racism, injustice, and cops with itchy trigger fingers.
It had teeth. It had purpose. It was community kevlar.
Then the conspiracy crowd showed up.
Except for them, it wasn’t “woke,” it was “awake.”
As in: awake to the truth that Justin Trudeau is a shapeshifting moon-lizard who's gay-frogging your water supply with 5G chemtrails.
Then came the Tumblr years. “Woke” turned into a catch-all for being socially aware — anti-racist, pro-LGBTQ+, feminist, decolonial, vegan, intersectional, zodiac-informed, and probably gluten-free.
Now it’s just a slur. The right uses “woke” the way toddlers use the word “no” — as a catch-all for university pronouns, land acknowledgements, and any crosswalk with a colour palette.
“Woke” is now a magic word. It summons fear in conservative boomers and opens donor wallets faster than Ezra Levant asking for support after covering a CBC exposé on drag queens.
The Canadian left does the same thing — say “reproductive rights” three times and a Liberal staffer appears with an Instagram story and a donor form.
It’s not about logic. It’s not even about ideas. It’s about who decides what the feds call a hate crime.
Whether you’re woke, anti-woke, post-woke, or dark-woke, the game is the same: power, not principles.
In English Canada, “woke” is a political football. In Québec, it’s a piñata — except instead of candy, the Tories hope it spills votes.
Poilievre’s Double Game
The French version keeps the anti-woke sauce simmering — because in Québec, “woke” doesn’t mean pronouns and poetry degrees. It means Anglo creep. English Canada’s weird vibe at la Saint-Jean.
The English platform? Scrubbed clean — because cracking down on thoughtcrime sounds… well, kinda woke.
So no, this wasn’t a whoopsie. It was a surgical pander pivot. Poilievre’s crew knows “woke” hits different depending on the postal code — and they tried to thread the needle with a bilingual dog whistle.
Control the narrative based on the audience.
In English, “woke” is cringe.
In French? It’s cultural DEFCON — a sign you’ll slap the woke out of Ottawa with a fleur-de-lis.
The Neo-Feudal Forecast
Whether it’s Quebec values, English-Canadian values, or post-leftist TikTok theory imported from Portland — all roads lead to hunting squirrel on Crown land with a slingshot from Dollarama.
Enter Policy Horizons Canada — a taxpayer-funded vibes lab under Employment and Social Development — predicting that by 2040, Canadians will be foraging on Crown land like we’re all in a sad Netflix reboot of Alone.
Poilievre is waving this report around like proof the Liberals spent ten years purposefully mainlining collapse.
But the scary part? Most of it’s not the future — it’s the Tuesday you just lived through.
“In 2040, owning a home is not a realistic goal for many.”
Brother, that deadline expired in 2020.
Same goes for starting a business. You’re more likely to start a GoFundMe for rent.
People already can’t afford rent, groceries, or a decent pair of glasses.
Social mobility? Already on blocks behind the shed, waiting for a tow.
Boomers had pensions and bungalows. Their grandkids have credit scores and roommates named Kyle who vape in the shower.
And speaking of boomers — how many have helped fund their kids’ down payments while still calling it “character building”?
Honestly, multigenerational housing doesn’t even sound dystopian anymore. It’s just “living with Nana and pretending it’s Europe.”
By 2040 we’ll have “major strains on social services.”
Cool. And those of us on healthcare waitlists since 2019? Are we time travellers?
“People may lose faith in the Canadian project.”
May? Buddy, we already speedran that arc.
Half the country thinks Canada’s a genocidal colonial fever dream. The other half thinks it’s broken because they saw a rainbow crosswalk.
By 2040, we’ll have more barter. People will hunt, fish, and forage.
Also known as “being cool as hell.”
“Small-scale agriculture may increase.”
And that’s… a warning? Sounds like Woodstock without the acid or the rape.
The report warns that grassroots solutions could make governments “seem irrelevant.” That “Canadian national unity unravels,” and “immigrants do not choose Canada,” and where Indigenous peoples may “govern unceded territory.”
Stop, my penis can only get so erect.
Honestly, I’d take a Carney majority with a home equity tax just to accelerate the collapse. Let’s hit 2040 like it owes us rent.
OK, for real. Yeah, 2040 sounds grim. But I see a window — right next to the wood stove I built with my bare hands on Crown land I don’t legally own.
Why wait fifteen years to admit the party’s over?
Join the Green Party. Outnumber the statists and the anti-semites.
With any luck, Elizabeth May loses her seat and the whole thing collapses into compost.
Then we take it over. Rebrand collapse as a return to the good stuff:
Indigenous respect for land. Protestant work ethic. Private property rights.
Real Canadian values. With bison and goats.
As Ricky says:
Survival of the fitness, boys.
I’m not a pessimist. I’m an optometrist.